Dear Pacifiers…You Suck.

by farrah on April 9, 2012 · 21 comments

I realize that there’s some contention with the whole pacifier thing. Either you’re in the camp that loves them and or uses them, OR you’re in the camp that doesn’t get them/hates them/possibly silently judges based on use of them. Well- whatever. All I can say is that if you happen to be a new parent or parent to be- and have stumbled onto this post- I SAY DO NOT GO THE PACIFIER ROAD. I don’t have medical, dental or psychological statistics to back up my findings- just real world, honest to goodness mom experience.

I feel like I am qualified to make this statement because our first child never took a paci. We were glad- I didn’t really understand what the attraction was with some kids and pacifiers- and was thankful that this was one thing that we weren’t going to have to deal with. I have read horror stories about attachment, the trouble with weaning, etc and gleefully thought to myself how fortunate we were not to have to deal with any of that.

Ha.

‘Ha’ because now we’re in for a double dose of weaning and attachment issues. I really don’t know how it happened- but before I knew it we had the twins on them. My husband and I were so desperate in the beginning to pacify them in general that we would try anything and everything. So even though we didn’t have any luck with pacis before- we gave them a shot. And they worked! Yay! But..oh yeah..at some point we need to stop, right? We have two almost 18 month olds that are HOOKED on these pacifiers and they are slowly driving me insane.

We’re good with being out and about on the go without them. I don’t care what other people think of me, it’s more along the line of ICK if they were to drop them somewhere less than desirable. That- or they would get lost. Basically we use them at night time, during the daytime nap, and if we want to keep the peace  if we’re home. Ok. So pretty much all of the time.

I can deal with the guys fighting over them during the day- or even the sacrificial toss over the barricade into the kitchen (still not sure why they do that). My problem is when they’re sleeping soundly- be it nap time or nighttime. The guys are good sleepers- thank the universe for that one. They’re great until………..until the damn paci falls out of the crib.

Suddenly all tranquility is gone. Poof. It’s over. Many a nap has been ruined because of this pacifier pitfall. Sometimes during the day I can manage to run in there- search frantically for the paci in the dim room- stick in back in- and run- salvaging the nap. The worst, however, is at night. You’re groggy- partially awake. It’s very dark in the room but for a small nightlight and at 3am and you’re searching on the floor for the dropped paci desperately before Baby B wakes up. It’s almost like a Hunger Games challenge. You must find it before everyone self destructs.

And here we are where I would say in the past week at least three naps and four nights have been disturbed because of dropped pacis. I’ve had it.

Some may say to surround the kid in pacis in the crib. Well, at this point I am not down with enabling this addiction any longer. It’s time to split from the paci and I can’t wait for  Santa to arrive and take the paci away for another baby that needs it. I need it gone NOW. I want to sleep soundly once again. I want to see the sweet smiles on their faces not shrouded by a plastic binky.

So please tell me- what trick worked for you? Cold turkey? If you did it with your twins how? I’m ready- we’re ready- so tell me how to do it.

Update: OH! So my husband has a great idea. He suggested that when I leave for Reviewer’s Retreat 12 in June I just take the pacis with me and HE will deal with it. SCORE!—This is not a serious option. I would worry about my dudes. Ok. Next?

{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Shannon April 9, 2012 at 12:23 pm

We did the cutting method and it worked perfect!

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2 farrah April 9, 2012 at 1:05 pm

That seems to be a great idea. I think what I might do is cut a few and slowly cut them all. Wean them off. Kind of like heroin.

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3 Brianne April 9, 2012 at 12:38 pm

Our ped told us to do the cutting thing too. Then you could “blame” the binky and be all “it’s not me it’s the binky’s fault!”

But then Hubs got all righteous and went cold turkey. We just sucked it up – and it SUCKED. I wouldn’t not recommend this method since you will have twice the suckage.

But if you don’t want to wait until Santa takes them away, you could always try the binky fairy coming to get them and leaving a present.

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4 Brianne April 9, 2012 at 12:40 pm

i meant i wouldn’t recommend cold turkey. its monday and my thoughts are all jumbled….uh!

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5 farrah April 9, 2012 at 1:06 pm

No, I agree- I don’t think I can do that. I mean come on- we wouldn’t sleep for 2 days at least!!!

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6 Stacey April 9, 2012 at 12:47 pm

For us, Santa took the binkies away for other babies who didn’t have any. She asked for them (and whined a little) for a few nights and then there were some sad “I miss my binkies…” but overall it went much better than expected. I also liked the idea of going away on vaca, for ex, and just supposedly forgetting them at home. As tempting as it would be to let daddy deal with it alone, I don’t think I could go that route either!

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7 farrah April 9, 2012 at 1:07 pm

No- I couldn’t. It will be hard enough to be gone and hope all goes well. But that’s a good idea too- get them all out of their routine- but then again..I like to sleep 🙂 I hate this!!

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8 bonnie ferrell April 9, 2012 at 1:02 pm

my firstborn never took a paci, although I tried and is now a major thumb sucker. A 2.5 year old with his thumb in his mouth is almost as nasty as the paci in my opinion. My 7 mo old I tried the paci with, but he was waking up several times a night because his paci fell out. I promptly took it away, and gave him a lovie. He sucks on the lovie’s ear and it smells terribly!

All that to say, no, I have no advice. Just wanted to share my story too! Lol. Good luck.

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9 farrah April 9, 2012 at 1:08 pm

I’m glad you did! My 3yo occasionally puts his hands in his mouth (so sosososo gross) so I understand that. Both boys have lovies- which my oldest didn’t have either. Pretty interesting when I think about it!

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10 Robbie April 9, 2012 at 3:17 pm

You are definitely smart to do it sooner rather than later. It only gets harder the older they are. There’s always the binky/paci fairy instead of waiting for Santa. They “sacrifice” all their pacis and get a cool toy/stuffed animal in return. Developmentally they are actually too young to understand that concept but I know some parents who have tried it. I say cut the tips off…oops broken paci, by bye pace, in the trash till there are none left. Also give them a substitute comfort object that you are comfortable with them dragging around like a blanket or a stuffed animal.

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11 farrah April 10, 2012 at 1:23 am

I’m a-ok with the blankie. They both have one- where my oldest did not, and I think it’s adorable. When they try to drag it to high school we may have a problem. I’m going to give the cutting a try. My husband is on board- and he laughed saying how they will probably throw them at us, but oh well!

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12 Zene April 9, 2012 at 3:59 pm

I disagree with it gets harder the older they get. Here’s the deal, if they are not ready, it-will-end-terribly! I will tell my mother in laws story first. She hated the binky, but her 2nd child was a breastfeeding addict which bothered her more. So she used the binky. Keep in mind this poor child was only 6 mos old when she weaned from the boob. 1st she sent her to grandmas for this process. Then she took the binky away exactly at a year. “Left it at grandmas.” Poor grandma! What did this girl do next? Stuck her thumb in her mouth! TILL SHE WAS 8! Then every time she was naughty (which happened often) they cut her blankie! This horror was enough to make me want to do differently with my 1st. Ok so I too thought a binky in a “big kid’s” mouth was aweful and gross. Hahaha! OH what I never knew before I had children! We just wanted to shut this kid up! He WAILED at the top of his lungs whenever he wasnt being held. Nursed EVERY HOUR round the clock. Yup all night too! The bink was at least a bit of relief. Now fast forward 1, 2, 3, yes 4 years later! This kid is persistant, he was since birth. When he wants something he will persist until he gets it. The binky, affectionatly nicknamed “mi,” went hand in hand with his “blue” his special blankie. He was urged by all around us to get rid of it, except, surprisingly, by the GREAT grandmas of the world! These ladies were spot on! I was so worried about what people thought rather than what I felt and what he felt. The poor kid just wanted comfort. I mean how long do we actually get to let kids be kids in this world? The dentist (highly thought of in the community, pediatric dentist at that) said we MUST get rid of the binky or it will “ruin” his teeth “forever” and will need braces. I asked another dentist who laughed and said, nope his teeth will not be ruined for life. They will and DO return back to normal within 6 months of stopping. Its true! They do! Keep in mind that no, the 4 yr old did NOT take the bink out of the house, it stayed in bed or in the house. I still was worried what others thought. In hindsight I would not have worried so much about what others thought, but done what worked for my family. Back to the thought of getting harder as they get older, yeah, kind of, but no. We simply said to the 4 yr old, when you turn 4 you have to get rid of ALL your “mi’s.” “You are old enough to be ok with out it.” He fussed a bit, but was totally fine. My 2nd, not really ever in to the bink. It makes me sad. I wish he was. He gave it up before he was a year old. He is now 19 mos old and a boob ADDICT. I am SOOOO done with nursing, he, not so much. This one is actually MORE persistant than the 1st, if that was even possible. Wish, oh wish, he would take a bink. The moral of this very long story is, really, is the bink so bad? Will they start using another vice? If they arent ready they will make it horrible. If you are ready, however, there are great tools that work for many. The binky fairy, who leaves a super duper desired toy in the place of the binkies. Many do this all during the day, not at night when it will be more difficult. Place the binkies on a balloon and release, then handing over the toy, or hang them on a tree, under a tree, whatever. We did this with a girl I nannied. Worked like a charm! She never looked back. Good luck!

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13 Alyssa @NearNormalcy April 9, 2012 at 8:03 pm

I can help with the boob-obsessed toddler! http://www.nearnormalcy.com/2012/03/how-to-wean-toddler-who-does-not-want.html

(Sorry, Farrah. Not trying to spam up your comments, but I see a mom in need and I have to reach out.)

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14 farrah April 10, 2012 at 1:27 am

Oh my gosh those poor kiddos 🙁 That makes me very sad. I would never want to do that to my guys. I think what we might do is slowly snip the tips off of one or two and let them see that they are ‘done..’ thus getting rid of them slowly. I’m happy to take some time to do this- I just need to see that we are- indeed moving to the point where they can SLEEP without waking up everyone in the house if one is dropped. Thanks so much for sharing your insight and the balloon idea is pretty cool too. I hope you see Alyssa’s tip down below- I think the vinegar is brilliant!

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15 Alyssa @NearNormalcy April 9, 2012 at 8:05 pm

Neither of mine would take a pacifier and I TRIED. After my oldest used ME as a pacifier for two years, I was desperate for something to take my place. To no avail. So I’m not sure I can help.

OH! Put vinegar on them! 😀 You know that’s my answer for everything. But seriously, it could work. Read my weaning post and adapt it to your needs. (Link in the comment above…I’ll refrain from leaving yet another link here.)

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16 farrah April 10, 2012 at 1:28 am

I would totally try the vinegar- absolutely. I just think that L would love it.

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17 April G April 10, 2012 at 12:14 am

I am so grateful that only one of my twins took a pacifier. And yes, she’s still addicted. She also gets them at nights, for naps, and for “emergencies”. We weaned our firstborn at 2 by cutting the tips off. He totally accepted that they were “broken”, slept with them for two nights, then threw them away with us and only asked a few times. He was okay when we reminded him that they were broken and we’d tossed them.

Honestly, I’m not ready to take the pacifier away from my daughter yet, though I probably would be if we had the drama it sounds like you’re dealing with. Hilariously enough, both of her brothers will fetch a pacifier for her when she’s distraught, whether I want them to or not. This is particularly a problem with her 18 month old twin- he actually pushed a chair over to the dresser and climbed up on it to get a pacifier for her TOTALLY OUT OF THE BLUE the other day, then walked over and jabbed it in her mouth. She wasn’t even upset. Maybe he just wanted to shut her up. 😉

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18 farrah April 10, 2012 at 1:29 am

Oh I am sorry but that story made me laugh! Haha! I really hope that our experience goes the way of your first- but I am not so sure…I really think that if the sleeping thing wasn’t causing such an issue I might just let it go!

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19 Greta April 10, 2012 at 1:35 am

My two oldest were seriously addicted. They were old enough when we finally went cold turkey that we actually put them in a box and mailed them to their newest cousins so they could use them. It was a hard few days/week for both of them, but I just reminded them that their cousin needed it and they didn’t because they were big now.

The third was sort of an accident that I ran with. We lost it one night so she had to go to sleep without it (she had gotten to where she’d only take a certain one). She went to sleep, and when I found it in the middle of the night, I said heck with it. Again, a HARD few days.

The baby got to where he’d chew on it but not suck, so I just stopped giving it to him and gave him a teether instead. Sometimes I actually wish the younger two still took them because they’re so easy to soothe with them.

If it were my kids, I would keep giving it to them ONLY at night/naptime, until they were old enough to mail them or have the “paci fairy” come and bring them a toy or something. I used those little stuffed animal binky holder things and/or a crib bumper to keep them in their beds at night. OR a clip onto their pajamas.

Good luck!

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20 Erin April 19, 2012 at 3:10 pm

For weeks I talked about how when they become big kids they should give thier paci’s to a baby. I talked it up and told them about all the cool things that big kids get when they give thier paci’s to the baby. One day we were at the park and they came up with the grand idea of giving thier paci’s to a baby that was there at the park. OK…so I couldn’t beleive it but I went along with it. I walked up to the mom gave her a little wink and said” My kids are big boys and girls and they would like to give thier paci’s to your baby” and they did. That was it. I think what made it so great is that it was thier decision to do it.

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