An Expat’s Open Letter: Dear Pace and Duke’s, I Need You.

by farrah on March 19, 2014 · 20 comments

Are people still doing open letters? Is that thing over yet? Well, I hope not. I have one and it’s very important that the CEOs of these companies see mine.

Dear Pace Picante Sauce and Duke’s Mayo,

I need you. I need you both to open up your trade markets and start stocking the shelves here in the Netherlands with your wonderful goodness. Heinz is here. Hellmann’s is here. Where are you? There is nothing even remotely close to your awesomeness and I am writing this cliched open letter to you today begging on my knees that you arrive at my Albert Heijn. I can live without French’s Yellow Mustard. They have something here that’s similar. I mean, how hard is it to replicate yellow mustard? But you. I need YOU. Both of you. Please.

Last night I was exhausted. Tuesdays are sometimes just really long and drawn out days- much shuttling back and forth, and I don’t get my quick snooze in there like I normally do. I was pretty brain dead by the end of the night and all I wanted with our next installment of House of Cards was a snack. So while my husband and I sat there winding down the first episode of the night (usually we watch two) I fantasized about the Pace Picante and cream cheese dip I was going to make for the next episode.

Well don’t ya know it. I thought I still had at least one full bottle of Pace in the pantry, but alas, I am down to my one jar in the fridge. There’s less than half left. I stood there at the fridge holding the cream cheese and jar of Pace in my hands wondering ‘Is this worth it?’ and then I remembered the tacos we want to have later this week and realized that no. No, it was most definitely not worth it to waste my precious Pace Picante Sauce on a late night chip and dip that would probably give me heartburn anyhow. Being frustrated, I simply went to bed. That was my final battle of the day and I gave up. No snack for me. No second episode. I mean, that is serious.


Earlier yesterday I lamented on Facebook as to the demise of my Duke’s mayo jar. I still have one full and unopened in the pantry, so it isn’t nearly as big a tragedy as the Pace, but still. Sometimes being an expat is hard. Don’t you see? This is all I have to look forward to at the end of the day: House of Cards, some wine and you. And yet I’m running out of you quickly. Do you KNOW what’s it’s like to have a craving that you simply cannot have no matter what? DO YOU? I don’t think you do. It’s a pretty awful feeling. If you knew you might be here. Tomorrow.

I hope you will take my plea under consideration.



{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Nicole at Arrows Sent Forth March 19, 2014 at 1:17 pm

This is how I feel about Cheez Its. Don’t they know some of us want our crackers with FLAVOR???? (I’m sure they’re horrendous and full of all kinds of nasty American chemicals but I NEED THEM.) And House of Cards? We’re obsessed too. We had a serious conversation about whether to binge watch or ration it so that it lasts longer. We binged.


2 farrah March 19, 2014 at 2:43 pm

We’ve done really well on the self-control here. Primarily because we don’t sit down until 9pm, so at most we watch 2. Then he was out of town for a week, so that helped! And Cheez Its. Oh man. The white cheddar ones too….


3 Chamisa March 19, 2014 at 1:56 pm

We’re not as big into Pace, but goodness knows we will take ANY salsa that tastes even remotely like.. um, well, salsa. We do have the taco truck here now (yay!), so that helps. But it’s not the same as being able to walk down to any ol’ grocery store and pick up edible chips and salsa…


4 farrah March 19, 2014 at 2:44 pm

Mexican food here sorely disappoints. We went to a very popular Mexican restaurant nearby (30 minutes) and they didn’t know what a quesadilla was. I was concerned.


5 Shannon April 3, 2014 at 3:34 pm

This place has done wonders for my personal Mexican cooking skills.


6 Ann March 19, 2014 at 1:57 pm

Pace Picante is the best. Nothing compares.

I have never had any brought over for me – but, thanks a lot for mentioning pace picante, cream cheese, and chips. Now I need to figure out a substitute!


7 farrah March 19, 2014 at 2:45 pm

I really really do love it. I started putting 1 cup of it + 1/4 Wishbone Italian dressing into my taco meat and it was delicious. I haven’t had Wishbone in over a year, but at least I had the Pace!


8 Ellen March 19, 2014 at 2:38 pm

I was in the supermarket today and I think you can have a tasting-party (ofcourse nothing will compare,probably) with: Remia chilisaus, Yil’driz barbequesaus, Inproba chili saus sweet, Go- Tan chilli saus, Remia curry and Red Hot Boss, hot chilli sauce! Succes, Ellen


9 farrah March 19, 2014 at 2:45 pm

We’ve had that bbq sauce, it’s not bad! Also last summer I saw one we used in the States. It might be a seasonal thing. But I will need to check out Red Hot Boss 🙂 Thanks Ellen!


10 Leighann March 19, 2014 at 6:31 pm

i don’t think we have this in canada and if we do I haven’t tried it. I hope one of your family members reads this and sends you some.


11 farrah March 20, 2014 at 2:48 pm

That or I can wait until the next company expat Christmas package! 🙂


12 Caitlyn March 19, 2014 at 10:04 pm

I have no idea of those products but I have a few of my own, so I know how you feel! I have four portions of laksa paste left and I am getting desperate… but not desperate enough to learn how to make my own laksa paste.

I had an American friend visit a few months ago and he left a jar of Goobers to say thankyou… every so often I take it out and stare at it, but it’s never been opened… if anybody is craving it, it’s yours.


13 farrah March 20, 2014 at 2:49 pm

LOL! Ah, thank you but I’ll pass. What an awful name for those things!


14 Julia March 19, 2014 at 11:09 pm

Can you order it and have it shipped? It’s funny we wind down the same way at night: snack, wine, house of cards.


15 farrah March 20, 2014 at 2:49 pm

I’m looking right now. Yesterday on twitter some people sent me to a few websites, so I am excited to check them out!


16 Amy March 20, 2014 at 5:04 am

I won’t even tell you how many half-used jars of Pace have gone to waste in the back of my refrigerator. I like it, but for some reason I can never finish a jar before hair starts to grow under the lid. I’ll start shipping you my leftovers.


17 farrah March 20, 2014 at 2:51 pm

THE TRAGEDY! Oh that makes me so sad. But I used to do the exact same thing. Not sure if you make tacos, but 1 cup of Pace, 1/4 c. italian salad dressing & a packet of taco seasoning in the ground beef is really good. It takes the place of water.


18 Ace March 20, 2014 at 11:33 am

Hahaha – I need Annie’s Homegrown to start shipping over the mac n’ cheese and the cheddar bunnies. You know…. for the kid…. right….

But seriously, anything remotely tex-mex flavored is dear to my heart. Savor the Pace.


19 farrah March 20, 2014 at 2:51 pm

We finished the jar last night with tacos. I am so sad.


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