Where Are They & Why Do I Care

by farrah on November 10, 2015 · 1 comment

With almost nothing to say in the past month or so, I find that there’s so much being said (or not being said) out there in the virtual world that I haven’t wanted to add to the incessant chatter. But sometimes that’s ok, talking out loud can be exhausting. Adding my two cents to everything else that’s taking up space (ahem red cups) just adds to the noise. So I’ve been quietly living inside my own brain for the past month or so trying to take it all in and not necessarily push anything out.


I learned the fate (sort of) of a former classmate from high school yesterday. And thinking of him I was reminded about a few other question marks that I have on the faces of years past. Googling most often doesn’t help in these cases- as if you’re missing, truly missing from life, chances are that social media ain’t your thing. And in the case of an old friend Jamie I can’t find him.

I am one of those people who wonders the ‘what if‘, ‘what about‘, ‘where is‘ regarding old connections. If you’re one of these people who do this you understand. It’s a futile feeling- considering that we all have so much already going on- filling up your head and your energy with unanswerable questions does nothing to solve the problem. But I do. I wonder about people from my past, whether they were close or not- whether they were good for me or not, whether they’re someone I’d ever want to see again- or not.

I remember people from my early days of elementary school. My first best friend Kori, a mean girl named Ann, a wild child named Chris. These relationships were brief- and maybe they weren’t even relationships at all. But somehow and for some reason these people made an impression on me and have stuck around inside my head for the past 35 years (since I am almost 40 and believe my memories go back to when I was about 5). My first bus driver Harley, my principal Mr. Holt. The crazy lady who ran Safety Town. Some of these people are probably dead- (Harley was already pretty old, so he has to be) so why can’t I just shut my brain up?

What was it about them that sticks out when there are others that I completely blank out upon that I have known for years longer? Why do I fill up my energies wondering if so and so ‘got what they deserve’ out of life (whether good or bad) when there is so much that I think about/worry about/project about at the same time? Some people cross my path with a neon flashing sign and some quietly go on their way. It doesn’t matter actually- I’ll remember you no matter what. Just like I remember Amy C. barfing in my shoe on the bus back in kindergarten.

I think about how I add people to my mental reserves with every passing year. I’m at a point where I am meeting more people in my life than ever before- creating relationships, sometimes fully aware that these are going to be brief. Some people I never lose. I received a FB message from an old friend last night and I remembered her phone number from her parents’ house back in the 1980s. I mean, what the hell is that? I can’t remember where I put my keys but I remember stuff like that?

So anyhow. There is no point in today’s post. Maybe I just wanted you to know that someone out there is probably thinking of you and maybe you should go say hi. Go add to the good noise out there- not just the cacophony of crap that doesn’t matter. Sometimes reflecting is good and actually more productive than moaning about everything that’s wrong in the world. Maybe that’s the point of it all.



{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

1 Chamisa November 10, 2015 at 9:00 pm

I had to laugh when I read that you can remember your friend’s phone number from the 80s but not where your keys are. That is totally how my brain works. Why do I remember random things from 2o years ago, but I couldn’t tell you what I had for dinner or wore two days ago?!
Since we moved around a lot when I was a kid, I have a ton of scraps of memories of various people all over the place. I wish I knew more about where they ended up. I wish I knew their stories. But, like you experienced, FB and Google are no help!


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